The Beginning
by Sugarquill824
Summary: Lily Evans has a problem: She has realized that she is in love with James Potter, a boy who in many ways is completely wrong for her, yet perfect at the same time. How does she tell him? Rating for language and just a tiny bit of snogging!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: None of the people, places, or things surrounding Hogwarts and the wizarding world are my creation. They belong to J.K. Rowling. The only thing I own here is the plot.**

**Author's Note: This is completely AU. I just had an idea in my head, so don't yell at me for not getting things "correct" in terms of canon.**

* * *

**Chapter One:**

"**A Well-Respected Man"**

_And he's oh, so good,  
And he's oh, so fine,  
And he's oh, so healthy,  
In his body and his mind.  
He's a well respected man about town,  
Doing the best things so conservatively._ – The Kinks

She knew it was silly. Beyond silly, actually, and moving into more dangerous, _completely and utterly ridiculous_ territory. And if there was one trait that should never be associated with a Head Girl, it was "completely and utterly ridiculous." She would be the laughing stock of Gryffindor and eventually all of Hogwarts … especially if any Slytherins caught wind of it.

No, not "it." _Him._ The problem plaguing her was undeniably, most assuredly, _without a doubt_ a HIM.

"Damn you, James Potter, damn you," Lily Evans muttered under her breath, clenching her hands into fists and mentally imagining the best possible way to slowly torture him to a slow, painful death. _Perhaps hex after hex in increasingly painful increments,_ she thought, a satisfied smirk crossing her face.

_No, mustn't do that. It would be messy to clean up … plus, I would undoubtedly lose my Head Girl privileges, what with being locked up in Azkaban and all._

Lily sighed, tossing her quill on top of her piece of parchment, which in turn rested on her open Potions textbook, the assignment on the Amortentia Potion completely forgotten in the wake of her current thoughts. She'd mistakenly thought that escaping from the common room, a place that _he_ always had a nasty habit of occupying, and going to the library would actually allow her to accomplish something resembling _work_. Of course not. Even here, _he_ still consumed her thoughts.

James Potter.

How in the name of Merlin had that cocky, self-righteous prick managed to make her – along with the rest of the female population at Hogwarts – fall in love with him? She was Lily Evans, after all, Potter's intellectual rival and sparring partner. Their rows and competitions, silly and pointless to everyone else, yet inordinately important to the two of them, had become legendary, and Gryffindors from all years had taken to settling down in the common room with late-night treats snatched from the kitchen whenever an argument took place.

She had never actually _liked_ him before, had she? Of course not.

She'd merely learned to tolerate him over the years, right from the time he stepped on her long robes as she was stepping off of the Hogwarts Express first year, causing a small rip in the material and her eyes to fill with tears. She doubted he remembered that incidental meeting, but she sure did. James's eyes had widened with shock, as he clearly hadn't intended to actually damage her robes. But Lily had swiveled around angrily, only to find that her annoyance peaked when she took in the same boy who'd come round to the compartment in which she'd been sitting on the train, making inane conversation and trying to show off his less-than-impressive wand work. Lily's only consolation had been that while this boy was indeed quite good-looking, a fact which he'd mentioned once or twice – he really was arrogant for an eleven-year-old – he had also managed to set the curtains of the train compartment on fire while attempting a simple levitation spell. She'd put the fire out with an absent swish of her wand, drawing astonished gasps from her seatmates and a furious blush to race up the odd, annoying boy's neck. She'd thought that those incidents on the train would be the last of him … but of course, that had been back when she was young and naïve. People like James Potter didn't just _happen_ to a person, once or twice. No, he somehow managed to spread out until he'd overtaken every part of one's life, so that no matter where one was or what one was thinking of, his name was never far from one's consciousness.

She should have known it when he was placed in Gryffindor. But she chalked it up to the Sorting Hat. Brave he was, James Potter, what with the antics that made up his character (pranks that, much to her dismay, he seemed to always get away with), and very loyal. Once he decided that you were supposed to be in his life, he made sure that nothing or no one could prevent that. Lily had tried time and again to make James understand that just because he'd chosen her personally to torment, that did not mean that it was all right for him to hex anyone else, _especially_ the boys brave enough to talk to her, at random, usually in a deserted hallway or when a professor was not within earshot. James, however, with his cocky, backwards logic argued that his "willingness to defend the fair Lily" was "proof positive of his undying devotion" to her. Lily thought that it was proof positive of his insanity, but she couldn't seem to find anyone who agreed that James should be locked up and have his wand confiscated for the safety of himself and others.

She should have known it when in fifth year, they were both made prefects. But then again, Professor McGonagall had always blatantly shown a liking for Potter. And even Lily had to begrudgingly admit that he _could_ be responsible, especially when it came to defending his House. He had a rather nasty loyal streak in him, and for that, Lily forgave him – just a bit, mind you, a tiny, microscopic bit – for his pigheadedness when it came to the _methods _he chose to use to punish the Slytherins who teased the young Gryffindors. Simply deducting house points or recommending detention was far too practical for James Potter.

What irritated her the most, of course, was that despite the fact that she didn't _want_ to, Lily Evans was probably the person, besides his fellow Marauders, that knew James Potter the best. Two years as Prefects together, and then this year as Head Boy and Head Girl, had placed them together for years, and over that time, Lily had realized that there many facets to James Potter's personality. Granted, the largest facet, and the one that he showed most frequently, was what Lily described as his "cocky bastardness" that made the girls swoon and the boys clamor to be just like him. Naturally, Lily became known as the school freak because rather than sighing and giggling whenever James and his friends pulled a prank while simultaneously speaking to each other with those silly names, she gagged. To each her own, though, right?

The problem was that despite his horrible outward appearance, the façade he showed to others, James Potter was inherently a decent guy.

"Damn him," Lily muttered once more, for good measure.

She'd seen over the years how he cared about his friends more than himself. And in spite of the fact that he was often a bit too lenient in giving punishments to students who _weren't_ in Slytherin House, he was an honest person. In fact, Lily had seen multiple times with her own eyes just how caring James was.

Her mind whirled back to one memory in particular. It had been late one night when she and James had prefect duty and had been patrolling the corridors after curfew to make sure that no student was out of bed. Or, Lily thought wryly, at least, _she_ viewed it as patrolling to make sure that no student was out of bed. James preferred to think of it as a protective measure, and that if he and Lily encountered a student out of bed, their only duty was to warn them off Filch and/or Mrs. Norris's imminent approach. Unless, of course, the student happened to be Slytherin, and then James often took away five House Points before Lily could blink.

_Anyway_, her brain tsked at her. Lily shook herself, cursing her mental digression. One late night in particular last year, she and James had decided to split up, as they had a Transfiguration exam the next day which neither one of them (okay, just James) had studied for, and which both of them (okay, just Lily) was worried about failing. To speed up their rounds, they'd each taken half of the castle, and when Lily had arrived at their prearranged meeting point, she'd been stopped short by the sight in front of her. James was kneeling in front of a young first-year girl named Beatrice who was sitting on one of the stone benches in the hallway outside Gryffindor tower. Lily gathered that Beatrice had been having trouble in trouble, and in adjusting to life at Hogwarts in general, which didn't surprise her. Beatrice, like Lily herself, was a Muggle-born, and hadn't known anything about the magical world until her Hogwarts letter suddenly appeared at her house. Unlike Lily, though, Beatrice hadn't caught on as quickly, and her parents were not as understanding as Lily's.

Lily could still remember the conversation as if it had only happened the day before.

"_If—if my parents fin—find out that I failed ag—again, they're…well, they'll se—send me home!" she was sobbing._

"_Now, why would they do a silly thing like that?" James asked in a comforting whisper. His tone of voice alone had made Lily choke, as it was one that she'd heard him use before._

"_Be—because I—I don't belong here!" Beatrice wailed. "And those people…I mean, they—"_

_Though James hadn't been facing her, Lily could imagine the dark look that crossed his face. "Who?" he asked shortly, as if he already knew what was going on._

"_I—I can't," she stuttered nervously. "If—if they find out that I told somebody…"_

"_I'm a prefect, Beatrice, you have to tell me." This time, an authoritative flair entered James's tone, and because he was _serious _this time, Lily's heart sped up just a bit._

"_It's…the Slytherins," Beatrice had sighed in resignation. Her tears had stopped, but she continued to stare at the ground in defeat, her shoulders slumped. "They're always on about how it's no wonder I…" Here, her voice trembled, and even from her position behind a stone pillar, Lily could see another tear slowly make its way down her cheek. In a shocking yet touching move, James reached up and gently wiped it away. Now, in addition to her pounding heart, Lily's own eyes were watering, both in sadness for the little girl, and in awestruck wonder at this new side of James Potter._

"…_They say it's—it's no wonder that I'm failing, being a—a Mudblood," Beatrice finished in a whisper. She finally looked at James, who upon hearing that last word, had gone stonily silent. His shoulders were tensed and the hand on Beatrice's cheek had fallen to the bench, where he clenched into a fist. Beatrice's eyes, following the movement of his hand, widened in shock._

"_It's not so bad, though," she started to say, clearly wanting to bring James out of his obvious anger._

"_Yes, it is," he replied gravely. Her took her hand, then, in one of his, and gently forced her chin up to look at him. "And I promise you, there will be consequences for those bast—_bad _people. But more importantly, you _must _know that just because your mum and dad aren't magical, that doesn't mean that _you're _any less than the rest of us."_

_Beatrice merely shrugged. "Hey, I mean it, you know," James added, and this time, there was a trace of his usual personality in his voice. "I happen to think that in a lot of ways, Muggle-born witches are…" Here, he trailed off as if embarrassed. Lily fought the urge to scream at him, instead stuffing a fist in her mouth to keep from making any noise._

"…_Are what?" Beatrice asked curiously, and Lily made a mental note to add five points to Gryffindor just for asking that question._

_James lifted one shoulder in a sheepish manner, but looked Beatrice straight in the eye. "Well, I think that they're braver, smarter, and just on the whole, _greater_, than Pureblood witches, because they really have led two different lives, and more often not, they make the best of their situation. And often best us full-wizards in the process._

_Beatrice smiled, finally. "I never thought of it like that," she said quietly._

_James chuckled. "I do tend to shed a certain, special light on things." He gestured down the hall, toward the portrait hole, and watched as Beatrice shyly turned away from him and stepped into the common room. Lily remained in the shadows for a more moments, making sure to make some sort of sound as she approached James so that he would think she'd only just arrived._

And that had been that. Lily rubbed her eyes as she drew herself out of the memory that had plagued her for almost a full year. She'd never told James that she had seen him with Beatrice that night, and he, of course, had never volunteered the information. The only thing that _had_ seemed to change was James's behavior. Perhaps he had been changing for awhile, and it had just taken something like watching him act sensitively toward someone besides his best friends for her to notice. In any case, James was suddenly not quite as loud and obnoxious as he once was. The pranks he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter played were no longer as _mean_, instead, they were simply funny. If they targeted any person in particular, it was always Slytherins. Not, Lily _had_ noticed, Snape, though. It appeared that when she'd lectured James for weeks on end after that stunt in front of most of the student body, that he'd actually caught on. They had left poor Severus alone, thank god. On the whole, James just seemed _nicer_. It was such a bland word, but it was the truth. Perhaps he was finally growing up. It had to happen sometime, because honestly, what sort of job was a Hogwarts-graduate who still acted like an eleven-year-old supposed to get if he didn't …

Oh, sod it.

Lily Evans wasn't the type to beat around the bush. Yes, it was fine that Potter had appeared to have turned over a new leaf, but that wasn't what was bothering her and she knew it. No amount of insane mental conversations with herself was going to truly convince her otherwise.

The real reason that Potter's new personality bothered her so much was that, with his new mature persona, had come his very obvious lack of bothersome, inane attempts to get her to go out with him. Lily had come to expect them over the years, a couple of times a month, like clockwork, usually in the company of at least fifteen or so other students and/or professors. James staged some sort of ridiculous stunt with the help of his friends which often resulted in a screaming match between Lily and James, after which Lily fled to her dorm room in embarrassed tears. James would reluctantly apologize after his friends, specifically Remus, made him, but that pesky twinkle never seemed to leave his eye when he did so.

It was a vicious cycle, true, but it was a cycle just the same, and Lily liked cycles. They provided some much needed routine in her life.

But this year … something had changed. Here it was, nearly the Christmas holidays, and James had barely _looked_ at her, let alone crafted a public "Evans, go out with me?" scheme. He quietly carried out his Head Boy duties beside her, but rarely allowed the two of them to be alone together for an extended period of time, something which he had _openly_ rejoiced at only the year before. He was _polite_, courteous, even, and it was simply unsettling. Lily didn't like this James. Bloody hell, she'd only just realized that she _liked_ – oh, Merlin, _loved_ – the old James. And now he'd gone and changed. Again.

She thought again about that night with the young first year in the corridor. That hadn't been a "new" James, she was sure of it. It had just been a facet to the _old_ one that he didn't let others see.

Right?

Lily slammed a hand down on the table, shaking it and spilling her ink well. "Shit!" she exclaimed loudly, then covered her mouth, remembering that she was in the library. She muttered a quick cleaning spell under her breath, cursing both herself and James Potter.

"Something the matter, Lily?"

She gasped, whirling around in her seat. The subject of her thoughts was standing directly behind her, his tell-tale smirk on his face. His eyes smiled at her, and Lily only just resisted the urge to sigh when she remembered that doing so would only prove that James's charms had worked on her as well as they did on every other female at Hogwarts.

"Lily?" he questioned again.

Lily shook her head, her eyebrows drawing together angrily. "Would you stop that?" she growled, inwardly pleased that she'd managed to maintain a rough exterior.

A frown replaced the carefree smile on his face. "Stop what?"

"Calling me that."

"Calling you what?"

Lily sighed. Now his ignorance was just plain rude. "Calling me Lily."

Potter's jaw dropped. He looked so truly baffled that Lily might have laughed, had it been anyone else. "But—but that's your _name_," he sputtered.

"Potter, when have you ever, in the seven years that we've known each other, called me by anything other than my last name?"

He had the decency to blush and look away in embarrassment. Once again, Lily might have thought it cute, had it been anyone else. "But that was before…" he muttered to the window beside her head.

"Before what? I swear, Potter, I never thought you one for confusing double talk."

"Why do you call me that? 'Potter,' I mean?"

Lily's mouth snapped shut, but she quickly opened it again to scream quietly in frustration. "Did you not hear me five seconds ago? You've called me Evans practically from the first time we met. On the train. Though you probably don't remember—"

"Of course I do."

The reply was soft, but serious. Once again, Lily found herself struggling for words. _Speechless in the presence of James Potter. I never thought it could happen_, she thought absently. A blush tinged her cheeks pink as a warm feeling rushed over her at the thought that James remembered their first meeting.

"There was this right annoying girl on the Hogwarts Express, you see," James continued, his old swagger back in place as he sauntered closer to her. "She had a group of people around her, and she was telling them all how she was the only witch in her family, a Muggleborn she was, but how that hadn't stopped her from learning about everything related to the wizarding world before she arrived at Hogwarts. She stopped just short of demonstrating these spells she claimed to know, but only, I suspect, because the train had arrived at the station. I was intrigued by this girl—"

"Intrigued, Potter. Really?" Lily couldn't help interjecting. "As an eleven-year-old, you were _'intrigued'_ by me?"

"—I was intrigued by this girl," James spoke over her interruption, "And thought that she needed to see that she had a rival in her midst, someone who had the stones to tell her that. And so began the legacy of Potter and Evans."

He finished his story with a self-satisfied wink in her direction, crossing his arms over his chest, his egotistical stance silently daring her to argue with him.

Lily's mind and heart were warring with each other, even as she managed to glare at him. Her mind was rejoicing at the fact that Potter had apparently been so "taken" with her that seven years later, he still remembered the first time they met. That thought was also terrifying; she'd always assumed that she only remembered that brief meeting because she was a girl, and everyone knew that girls' memories were more attached to emotions and whatnot, and also because Potter had started off as an annoying git and when said annoying git had later been placed in Gryffindor along with her, she'd had a feeling that she wasn't meant to be rid of him. As much as she wanted to be rid of. Most of the time, anyway. Yes, he was constantly in her presence, which Lily knew she could only expect, as they _were_ classmates as well as fellow prefects, but Potter – _James_ – had always been able to take what should have been a simply school companionship to the next level.

_No, Lily, dear,_ her mind scolded, _If the boy has consistently asked you out for the past four years, and you have consistently rejected his invitations for the past four years, that really takes the 'simple school companionship' to the next level._

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"What's that?"

Lily blushed. She hadn't realized she'd spoken that last thought out loud. "Excuse me?"

"What do you know?" James asked again, curiously.

Her blush deepened and she dropped eye contact. "No—nothing," she stammered.

_Wait … _stammered_? Stammering in front of James Potter?! What is happening to me?_

"Lily?" This time, James didn't seem amused or annoyed or confused. His voice was softer, kinder, and held a serious tone of concern. "Are you all right?"

Lily's heart was pounding and her palms had suddenly become sweaty. She felt as if a thousand butterflies were flitting around in her stomach, desperately trying to escape. She stared at James, who was peering back at her, his eyes focused completely on her face through his glasses, which he nervously pushed up the bridge of his nose.

She managed to nod. "Yes—yes, I'm fine," she said. "Why do you ask?"

James squirmed but didn't remove his gaze from her own. The hand he'd used to push his glasses up now moved to his hair, which was already mussed, of course, it always was, and mussed it even more. "Well, it's just that…er, you're, well, crying."

Lily's jaw dropped. "What?" she breathed, reaching up to her face. Indeed, it was wet. When had that happened?

_You know when it happened, you twit_, her traitorous brain admonished her yet again. _It happened when the idiot standing in front of you stopped being _Potter _and started to become _James.

Lily gasped at the ludicracy of it all. She wiped her cheeks, took a deep breath, and looked at James. He was staring at her, a mixture of concern and confusion on his face. He had one hand reached out towards her, as if he was debating with himself about whether or not he should try to comfort her. His movement, however slight, and Lily reluctantly guessed, unconscious, only reversed her attempt to act calm in a situation where she truly felt exactly the opposite. She took a hurried step backward, crashing into the table behind her which still held her abandoned homework. With a gulp against the tears threatening at the back of her throat, she turned around, furiously gathered her books and parchment, and whirled away without a glance back at James.

"Lily, wait!" he called after her, but she started running, flitting past Madame Pince, who'd only just noticed the lack of studying going on.

"Lily!" James's voice had nearly reached a shout, and Lily sent a silent prayer of thanks that the librarian cornered him as he tried in vain to catch up with her.


	2. I Tried Not to Hurt You

Arriving in the nearly deserted hallway (many of the other students were taking advantage of the unseasonably decent winter weather), Lily paused long enough to catch her breath, reaching a hand out toward the stone wall and leaning against it

**Chapter Two:**

"**I Tried Not to Hurt You"**

_Was it something I said, or something I did?_

_Did my words not come out right?_

_Though I tried not to hurt you,_

_Though I tried…_

_But I guess that's why they say_

_Every rose has its thorn._ – Poison

Arriving in the nearly deserted hallway (many of the other students were taking advantage of the unseasonably decent winter weather), Lily paused long enough to catch her breath, reaching a hand out toward the stone wall and leaning against it.

"Everything would have been great if you hadn't _cried_, you twit," she muttered angrily to herself, annoyed now that her random bout of crying had ended. "Bloody girls and our bloody stupid emotions."

Resolving to not think about James Potter for the rest of the evening – or, at the very least, through dinner – she turned down the corridor towards the Great Hall, hoping that since the dinner hour had just begun she could eat in "peace," with only her Potter-filled thoughts to keep her company.

… _Well that worked well, _she thought a half an hour later as she made her way back to Gryffindor Tower. The only thoughts that had run through her mind the entire time she was eating had, naturally, centered on James and their emotional (on her part, anyway) encounter in the library. What had she been _thinking_? She'd seriously been considering not only admitting to James Potter himself that he wasn't the cocky bastard she'd always claimed him to be, but also _asking him out_?! As if the previous six years of embarrassingly public torture hadn't happened? No wonder she'd burst into tears like an idiot; all of that pent-up aggression had been building for too long. That's all it had been, anger, masking itself as love.

Right?

"No, of course not. You actually love the prick, though Merlin even knows why."

"Got something to share with the class, Lily?"

Startled, Lily's eyes flitted across the common room, which she had thought was deserted, save for two small first years huddled in a corner working diligently on an assignment. Her gaze landed on her friend Evelyn, who sat in front of the fireplace, a book open on her lap. Lily gulped, already feeling a blush spreading across her cheeks. Evelyn was the only person in the world, besides her mum, from whom Lily could hide absolutely nothing, especially when that "nothing" happened to be one James Potter.

Knowing that Evelyn would extract the truth from her eventually, and probably by physically painful means if necessary, Lily sighed and approached her, sinking into the armchair across from the one Evelyn occupied.

"I talked to James just now, in the library," she began. "Er, rather I _started_ talking to James."

Evelyn's warm brown eyes bored into Lily's bright green ones. "What happened?"

"Well, um, see, I was about to tell him about… Well, you know that there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up soon, and I was going to as—ask him to go with…with me."

"Like a date," Evelyn surmised. "I have to say, Lil, it's taken you long enough to admit to yourself that you fancy that boy. I was honestly thinking that it was never going to happen."

Lily blushed an even deeper shade of crimson. "Yes, well, it didn't go so well, all right? I—I, um, started crying." Hearing the words spoken out loud made the event seem yet another degree more mortifying, and Lily hid her face in her hands.

"You started _crying_?" The shock was evident in Evelyn's voice. "But—but you never cry!" she sputtered. "In fourth year, when Matilda snuck that Muggle romance book into her trunk and read it out loud, you laughed at the rest of us while we were scrambling to wipe our eyes. Last year, when you and James were decorating the Great Hall and he was goading you about something or another, and you slipped and fell off the ladder, you didn't cry at all. Even after James caught you and started making remarks about the 'flimsy frames of the female,' and your face turned so red I thought your head was going to pop off. You even—"

"Thanks, Evy, for that welcome perspective on my suspicious lack of grotesque displays of emotion," Lily cut in, mostly because she didn't want to hear how many more of Evelyn's examples included James. If only her friend knew the number of nights she'd sadly cast a Silencing Charm around her bed so that no one could hear her crying.

Evelyn blushed. "Sorry, Lil. I just meant that it's…_unusual_ for you to cry. Especially in front of James of all people." She paused. "If I may ask, why did you start crying?"

Lily sighed, leaning on her knees and placing her chin her right hand. "I have no idea. One minute I was standing there, about to ask him to Hogsmeade, and he's standing there looking at me…_really_ looking at me…and—and calling me _Lily_, not Evans. And then the next thing I know, he's backing away, looking like I'd suddenly grown an extra head, and I have tears running down my face!"

"What did you do?"

"What do you think I did? I ran away, as fast as I could!"

Evelyn winced. "What?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"Did—did he try to follow you, at least?" Eveyln asked.

"I suppose so, maybe. He was calling after me, but Madame Pince grabbed him just as I ran out, so…" Lily trailed off. "Why?"

"Oh, Lil, you probably scared the boy half to death! He's probably wandering around this castle, searching for you, wondering what in the world he did to you."

Lily snorted. "The day I see James Potter worried about hurting someone's feelings—"

"Not 'someone,' Lily. You. Your feelings," Evelyn spoke quietly, seriously. "You can't honestly say that you haven't noticed that—that…"

"That what?" Lily asked, her heartbeat speeding up. She swallowed hard, but excited and terrified to hear the end of Evelyn's sentence.

Her friend turned to face her directly, eyes wide open. "That you, Lily Evans, are the person whose feelings have _always_ mattered to James, more than any other person, except for those friends of his. And to be honest, if it came down to saving them or you, I really don't know that he _wouldn't_ ultimately choose you."

Hearing the words, the ones that she had only dreamed of in my mind, gave Lily what she feared was the early stages of a heart attack. She took a deep steadying breath. "Evy," she whispered in astonishment, "You—you can't be serious. I…James…_us_…" She ran a hand through her hair, chuckling nervously. "I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying."

Evelyn smiled gently, reaching over and laying a hand on Lily's knee. "I can understand the shock. This has been a long time coming, I see. But it really isn't a big deal, you must know that."

"Why?" Just as quickly as it had appeared, the momentary ethereal shock faded to anxiety. "Why isn't a big deal?" Lily stammered. "How—how am I supposed to know that James would have reacted positively? You can talk as long as you want about how you _think_ he feels, but you aren't James, you don't—"

"Lily—"

"No, you—you don't know for certain. He's…he's a good _person_, Evy. I mean, yes, he's a right bastard most of the time, but that's just for show. He really is a decent _human_, so that might just mean—"

"_Lily_."

She stopped talking. "Do you really think he—he _loves_…me?" she asked softly.

Evelyn nodded. "I really think he does."

Lily sat back against the oversize chair. She let out another deep breath. "Wow," she observed, more to herself than to Evelyn. She giggled. "Can you imagine? Potter and Evans, together? The school won't know what hit them."

Evelyn laughed with her. "Actually, Lil, I think they will know what's hit them. It isn't just me who's been seeing this coming for years now."

Lily's eyebrows drew together. "Who else…?"

"Well, James's friends, obviously, they've taken the mickey out of him loads of times, usually in public, though they do courteously wait for you to leave the room before doing so. Our dorm mates, of course, after they think you and I are asleep. Personally, I think they're hoping that you will decide you don't like James so that one of them can pounce on him. Oh, and then, the teachers."

Lily's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Evelyn stuck her tongue in her cheek to keep from laughing out loud. "The _teachers_?!" Lily gasped, her voice coming out as a squeak. A blush flooded her cheeks. "Oh, Merlin! I can only imagine."

"It's not all of them," Evelyn assured her. "Mostly just Professor McGonagall, but that's to be expected, as she's Head of Gryffindor House, she sees us outside class more often. And I could swear that I've heard Professor Dumbledore muttering about it with her on the way to the Great Hall. But my ears and eyes could have deceived me."

"Ohh," Lily groaned, covering her face with her hands. Peeking through the cracks in her fingers, she saw Evelyn trying, not at all successfully, not to laugh. "You are enjoying this way too much."

"Yes, yes I am," Evelyn grinned. "But Lily, seriously, you should go find him. Talk to him. At the very least, assure him that you aren't planning his imminent death. Knowing James, he's got the Marauders planning an all-night vigil on his behalf, in case you come to his room in the dead of night to hex off one of his appendages. Preferably _not_ the one that he likes the—"

"Got it, Evy," Lily rushed in, cursing herself as yet another blush stained her cheeks thinking of the certain appendage to which Evelyn had been referring. She stood up, effectively ending their conversation.

"I'll…I'll just go looking for him. No harm in that, right? If anything, I can say that we need to plan out next week's prefect rounds schedule. He can't very well argue with business, can he?"

"With you, my dear, James can argue about anything." Seeing Lily's horrified look, Evelyn jumped to her feet, grabbing the stunned Lily into a hug. "But you will be _fine_!"

Lily smiled weakly before turning back towards the dark staircase that led to the private Head Girl and Head Boy bed chambers. She'd seen a flash of James's robes flying up the stairs out of the corner of her eye earlier, but not wanting to arouse Evelyn's suspicions further, she had refrained from saying anything. Evelyn, however, seemed to already know, and smiled warmly at her, silently mouthing, "Go." Lily nodded resolutely.

_You can do this_, she told herself, _It's just James. You've already cried in front of the prat, so what else is left, really, besides to snog him?_ Lily felt warmth spreading inside her as the images that particular thought invoked spread through her mind and body. _And what an incredible kisser he probably is. Cocky, to be sure, like he is with the rest of his life, but all that means is that he'll be _quite _good at it._

"Oh, bloody hell, Evans, you're in trouble," she muttered out loud. "It's bad enough that you've fallen in love with the bastard. You don't need to go 'round denouncing _all_ of his flaws."

Trying to shake herself out of her stupor, she made her way up the stairs subconsciously, only realizing where she was when she found herself standing outside James's door. She paused, wondering what he did with himself when he was in there alone…and then proceeded to shudder as one particularly dirty thought crossed her mind. _Not that, anything but _that.

How was she going to go about doing this? Should she just knock on the door and when James answered, simply start out with: "Remember before, in the library, when I ran away abruptly crying? Well, you see, you surprised me by acting, well, _considerate_, because I was just about to ask you out and/or tell you that I, for reasons that I myself am still trying to work through, have fallen in love with you. So…how about it?"

Lily shook her head, a wry smirk crossing her face as she imagined James's reaction to such a speech. There would be a James Potter-shaped indentation in the stone wall of his room before she could blink. _Best to start out slow, but just get it over with_. Still not quite able to believe that after seven years, she was actually about to do this, Lily took a deep breath and raised a hand to knock. Before she could, however, the door opened to reveal a stunned-looking James Potter. All of Lily's carefully planned words flew out of head as she honestly felt her heart skip a beat.

James's jaw had dropped open. "Lily?"

He sounded so honestly _surprised_ that Lily blushed and giggled. _Like a GIRL_, she thought, annoyed with herself on some distant level. "Um…hello." She stopped with that, though, and an awkward silence overtook them once again.

"Er, can I help you with something?" James asked finally, apparently at as much a loss for something more profound to say as Lily was.

"How—how are you doing?" she stammered nervously.

James shifted his weight to one leg, cocking one hand on his hip. "I'm fine, thanks. A bit confused…"

Lily bowed her head. "Yes, my fault, I'm afraid. I, well, I've come to apologize for my earlier behavior. I—I didn't mean to just run off like that."

James smiled. "Really? Because with the way you ignored my attempts to follow you, I'd have to say that you were pretty deadest in that decision."

This was better. This was more like the old James and Lily. She breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this wasn't going to be as embarrassing as she'd originally thought.

"Well, yes," she allowed, "But it wasn't really your fault. You were just being…sweet."

James's other hand, which had been resting on the door frame, abruptly dropped and, losing his balance, he stumbled briefly before catching himself. He stared at her in such a way that Lily wanted to brush a hand across her face, afraid that she had crumbs or a smudge on her cheeks.

"I _made you cry_ and you're saying that I was _sweet_? In the first place, I can't ever recall having made you cry, and when I do upset you, you usually try to hex me. And now all of a sudden I'm _sweet_?"

Lily opened her mouth to respond, shut it, and then opened it again. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, sure, because I couldn't have been going anywhere important."

"Oh." She looked away, admonished. "I'm sorry, I forgot that you—"

"I'm kidding, Evans. I was just going to nip down to the kitchens."

"But—but supper ended an hour ago."

"Evans, when has the possibility of breaking a rule ever stopped me?"

She nodded in acquiescence. "True." She gestured into James's room. "So, um, can I?"

James jumped. If Lily hadn't been so nervous, she would have laughed herself silly over the picture of James Potter being uncomfortable in his own skin. "Oh, uh, of course." He held the door open and allowed her to pass through.

Lily had never been in his room before. There was a small common room area that linked her bedroom to James's, so whenever the two of them needed to be alone to plan prefect duties or whatnot, they just met there, or in the Great Hall for breakfast. Now in his private quarters for the first time, she took a good, long look around. His room was most assuredly a boy's room. Clothes, shoes, papers, and various odds and ends covered the floor. His cloak was tossed haphazardly over his desk chair. He'd obviously made an effort to make his bed (Lily reluctantly gave him points for that), but was mussed. She noticed that on the wall beside his bed hung two photos, one of James and two people who looked like they could be his parents, and one of James and Sirius in swim trunks standing on a dock somewhere. _Sirius must spend his summer holiday with him_, she thought, feeling a burst of love for the boy standing awkwardly next to her. She turned her gaze to him, not caring that she was likely wearing her heart in her eyes.

James evidently noticed something different about her because he moved in front of her and looked directly into her eyes. "Lily? Is there something—"

"James, will you go out with me?"

As soon as the words were out, Lily clapped a hand over her mouth with a shocked gasp. James appeared just as surprised as she felt. He simply stared at her, unblinking. "Do—did—why –_really_?" he stammered.

Realizing that she couldn't back out now, Lily just allowed the blush to spread up her neck and into her face. She shrugged sheepishly. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about this afternoon," she said quietly. "I—I was going to ask you to the next Hogsmeade weekend, only you were so…different. You were being so nice to me, and, well, I suppose it surprised me." She smiled softly at him. "And not necessarily in a bad way, either." She took a deep breath. "I—I guess what I'm trying to say here, James, is that I want us to be more than friends. And…" _Going for broke here,_ she thought. "I'm in love with you. If that makes a difference."

Lily took a deep breath, proud of herself. She looked back up at James. He still had the same expression on his face, a vacant, unwavering stare. He'd closed his mouth, she noticed gratefully, but other than that, he showed no evidence of even having _heard_ her speech, let alone reacted to it. A sudden rush of terror shocked her system. _Oh my god…what if he _doesn't _feel the same way?_ Evelyn had been so convincing that Lily had seriously not stopped to think about the possibility that James _didn't_ want to be with her. _What does Evelyn know, really? She's not James, is she?! Oh, holy hell._

"Right then," Lily murmured in defeat, swallowing over the lump in her throat. Blinking against the tears forming in her eyes, she turned around, practically running toward the door. "I'll just…go. And, um, don't worry about this, we can pretend that it—it…never happened." The last two words came out in a hoarse whisper as the tears that she had been fighting back rushed out. She ran the last few feet to the door, and, wrenching it open, fled James's room.

In the hallway, she frantically put one hand to her heaving chest, another on the wall to brace herself. Her knees didn't seem to be functioning properly and she was afraid that soon they'd crumble beneath her. She couldn't decide if she was having trouble breathing because she was crying, because she was hyperventilating, or possibly a combination of both. Regardless, the only sounds that echoed in the hallway were her occasional hiccups and her breathing coming out in short, harsh gasps.

_I cannot believe I ever thought that that was a good idea. What did d I think was going to happen? That James would just grab me and _kiss _me? Honestly?_

Lily took a deep breath, which seemed to calm her nerves a bit, and her breathing returned to normal. She started to raise a hand to wipe her face, but was suddenly jerked backward as someone grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the wall. She caught a brief glimpse of James Potter's glowing hazel eyes before his mouth was upon hers. Lily gasped into his mouth, but quickly remembered to breathe through her nose and frantically kissed him back, afraid that he would misread her initial shock for disgust. And she was most assuredly not disgusted. James Potter kissed like he did everything else, just as she'd thought. A bit cocky, yet there was also a nervous, boyish quality to the kiss, in the way he clutched her hand in a tight, sweaty grip. His other hand, which had come to rest at her waist, was shaking a bit and he kept moving it, as if unsure where Lily would allow him to put it.

And his lips…the lips that Lily had spent _years_ staring at. Those lips that had argued with her, infuriated her, saddened her, made her laugh, were now kissing her like these were their last moments on earth, and _Merlin_, what a way to go out. Lily pulled her hand out of James's and moved both her arms around his neck, brushing his blazing hot ears as she did so. James seemed to take this as a sign of acceptance because suddenly his hands were on her back beneath her shirt, sliding up and down and creating the most wonderful friction. Lily wanted the kiss to last until she died, and just when she was starting to think that she really had died and this was what heaven was to her – kissing James Potter – James pulled his mouth off of hers. Lily abruptly dropped her arms from around his neck, staring at him in surprise.

"_Lily_," he breathed out, "What the bloody fuck _was_ that?"

His tone was one of shock and awe, but his eyes were still darkened with desire, and Lily felt a rush of warmth flood through her entire body. She giggled like a young girl. "Um, you kissed me?" she offered lamely. "So I think that I should be asking _you_ what the bloody fuck—_oomph_…"

James had pulled her to him again, and this kiss wasn't gentle, there wasn't a loving hint of exploration and tenderness. This kiss was rough, the culmination of seven years of bickering, competition, and a tension-filled friendship. James's tongue skirted around the edges of Lily's lip and she opened her mouth with a gasp. James growled at the back of his throat, pulling her closer until there was literally no space left between them besides their layers of clothes. Clothes that, in Lily's opinion, were becoming increasingly annoying.

Again, James ruined the moment by drawing away quickly. He still held her waist gently with his hands, and the only sounds that filled the corridor were their harsh breathing.

Lily's eyes were wide as she stared at the boy – no, _man_ – in front of her. "What—what did I do?" she stumbled.

James blushed. Again. How many times was that over the past few hours that she had caused the arrogant James Potter to _blush_? "Um, you said 'fuck,'" he replied sheepishly.

Lily raised an eyebrow. James's blush seemed to intensify and he nervously ran a finger through his messy black hair and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Lily was proud to observe that they had nearly slipped off his face during their…erm, snog session.

"You've heard me use language like that before."

"And every time you have, I've wanted to grab you and kiss you until you couldn't remember your own name."

_That_, neither one of them had been expecting. James looked as surprised as she felt by his statement, but he didn't retract his words. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest, as if daring her to defy him. "You heard me," she could almost hear him thinking as she peered at him.

"Well," she coughed indelicately, "You certainly accomplished that goal." She grinned as the defiance on James's face was wiped clean and replaced with that same look of utter astonishment that Lily was beginning to realize was somehow reserved only for things that _she_ said. "I mean, I remember my name now, of course, but there were moments…" She trailed off, shrugging shyly.

James stepped closer to her. "Yeah?" he asked huskily. His tone made Lily shiver.

She bit her lip, enjoying the way that James's gaze followed her teeth and then centered on her own gaze with that same, smoldering gaze of desire that she'd seen right before he had kissed her.

"I—I did say that I loved you, right?" she whispered.

He nodded, their eyes still transfixed on each other's. "Did I mention that I'm in love with you, too?"

Lily shook her head. James moved even closer, reaching towards her face and lovingly stroking the side of her face with the back of his hand. "I love you, Lily Evans," he said against her ear, making her shiver, both from the sensation of his breath against her face and the words he spoke. "I know I've been a right foul git about showing it over the years, but it's there, always has been. I just needed to figure out the right way to tell you."

Lily smiled gently, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "And you did, without your friends and the entire student body present." James blushed again (she was really going to like being able to do that to him).

They kissed once more. "I think this is the beginning a beautiful friendship," James said with a grin.

Lily pulled back. "_Friendship_?"

James merely chuckled and tweaked her nose. "I make jokes, Evans, remember?"

"How could I forget? It's what makes you _you_."


End file.
